You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
