u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
