He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
