I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
