There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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