roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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