Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
