I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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