HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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