that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
FUCK WHALES
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