Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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