spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
