I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ladies don't puke and tell
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize