I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
