I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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