we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
