All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
