thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
