I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
