I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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