it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
