i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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