Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
please don't ironically join a cult
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