I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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