I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
