Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just high enough for therapy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Randomize
