yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
