i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
