WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
