it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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