Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
