after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That was before I lit my hair on fire
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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