I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize