Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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