just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize