I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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