im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
