don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
