so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
