I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
