I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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