i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Barsexuality is the new black.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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