you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
