My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
operation harelip BJ is a go
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
