In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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