first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
