There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Vodka?
Forever.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
