You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
