Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
