I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
