i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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