3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
