I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
