Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
