I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
