Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize