This girl is more easily done than said...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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