Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
