and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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