she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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