Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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