she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
