i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize