I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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