when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
